It’s Not a Burning Memory

Coach Jerry Burns of the Minnesota Vikings has earned the respect of his players, even though he doesn’t always remember their names.

Just the other day in a meeting, he called defensive back Wymon Henderson, Whatshisname. He calls all linemen Big Boy. He calls his secretary, Coach, which he also calls anyone else whose name he can’t remember or doesn’t know.

Burns told Tom Friend of the Washington Post: “Names are tough for me to come by.”

Said Bud Grant, his former boss with the Vikings: “He’s allowed to have that problem when you think how long he’s been coaching.”

He’s been coaching nearly two-thirds of his 61 years.

Add Burns: The Vikings consider their coach a stand-up comic of the first order, even though they’re not sure it’s intentional.

During a team film session the other day, kicker Chuck Nelson’s 47-yard field goal against the San Francisco 49ers wasn’t on the reel, and Burns said: “Ah, Larry (the team’s film man) probably didn’t think he’d make it anyway, so he didn’t shoot it.”

When the Vikings lost in overtime three weeks ago to the Washington Redskins, their opponent Sunday in the National Football Conference championship game, Redskin kicker Ali Haji-Sheikh missed what could have been a game-winning field goal in the final seconds of regulation time. Burns turned to kick returner Neal Guggemos and said: “Now, when you return this kickoff . . . “

“Hey Coach,” someone interrupted, “they missed the field goal . . . “

Last Add Burns: Even with the Vikings ranking as the surprise team of the playoffs, Burns isn’t impressed with himself.

“When you’re not yourself, you’re putting on some phony airs, and they can see right through you,” he says. “What you see is what you get in me, and it ain’t a hell of a lot. What do you get with me? You get nothing.”

Auburn football Coach Pat Dye may never hear the end of his decision to kick a field goal in the final second and settle for a 16-16 tie with Syracuse in the Sugar Bowl. Syracuse won’t let him hear the end of it.

Syracuse fans, in a promotion called, “Ties for Dye,” have sent the Auburn coach more than 2,000 of the ugliest ties they could find.

“We have one special tie that’s been embroidered with the Auburn war chicken,” said Dennis Brogan, making fun of the Tigers’ War Eagle rallying cry.

If Dye hasn’t any ties to his liking yet, he’ll need only to wait a few days. Dey Brothers department store plans to send about another thousand ties to the Auburn coach. The store has been offering new ties at half-price with the exchange of an old, and presumably ugly, one.

Manager Tony LaRussa of the Oakland A’s says it will help to have left-handed Dave Parker in the lineup with young sluggers Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire this season.

“It’s nice to have some balance, be able to split up our big right-handed hitters,” La Russa said. “And there’s another reason we wanted Dave.

“We looked real hard around baseball for someone who could slap Jose and Mark around in case they get too smart. Dave is the only guy in baseball big enough to do that.”

Crying Foul: Coach Paul Evans of Pittsburgh was upset that he was slapped with a technical foul and John Thompson of Georgetown was not during the Panthers’ basketball defeat by the Hoyas last week.

“(Thompson) was given a warning,” Evans said, claiming that his coaching opponent intimidated the officials. “Did you see the warning they gave me (making a T with his hands, the signal for a technical foul)?”

Quotebook

Coach Doug Collins of the Chicago Bulls on Larry Bird, who scored 16 of his 38 points in the final quarter to lead the Boston Celtics to a 104-97 victory Tuesday night: “We could have stopped him if he was human.”