COMMENTARY ON MOTHERHOOD : Child-Rearing’s Never Easy, but Army Duty Adds New Lessons : Assemblyman Tom Umberg’s wife is in Colorado for Mother’s Day, in her other role as a nurse in the reserves.

This Mother’s Day I find myself reflecting on motherhood more than in any years past. Ironically, my three children (ages 8, 5 and 3) are at home safe and sound in Garden Grove, while I am safe and sound in Aurora, Colo. I’d like to share my thoughts as a mother separated from her children, as I know there are many other working moms with similar feelings.

Motherhood has been the most challenging and rewarding role of my life. In today’s American culture, many mothers have careers outside the home. But we all also have a critically important career within the home--mothering. I think every mother, although not always conscious of it, recognizes her greatest work through the eyes of her children.

As I reflect on motherhood today, I ask myself what is the responsibility of a mother. Is it to nurture our loved ones to make them feel secure and strong? Is it to stimulate their natural curiosity? Is it to provide an environment for promoting a sense of spiritual faith? Is it to give them role models to learn love, respect and trust? Is it to motivate them toward a sense of responsibility as a citizen who counts?

It is all of that.

Motherhood is much more than merely being present in the home and providing food and shelter. Each of us has different ways to approach our responsibilities as mothers.

Because of my activation into the Army Nurse Corps with Operation Desert Storm in December, 1990, I have found myself feeling a roller coaster of emotions. Before the war I was a full-time, at-home mother. Now I am trying to nurture my children despite our long-distance separation.

I can’t hold and hug them each day. I’m not able to cherish those precious moments that just happen in the span of a day. I can’t answer their immediate questions or assure them of my love. My daily phone calls are reassuring to me, but they don’t touch the deepest maternal needs I have to touch them, read to them, play with them and watch them sleeping.

Fortunately, I know that this separation is temporary. I also know that I am blessed to have a husband and an extended family near my children who are doing their best to compensate for my absence. Indeed, only the most profound circumstances would cause me to separate from my children.

This has been the first war in which U.S. mothers have been sent away to serve. It has aroused an emotional controversy as to whether a mother’s participation in the war effort is appropriate. Many of the reserve moms with whom I serve have struggled with this issue, either from tough and sometimes cruel questions from others accusing us of confused and misplaced priorities or, more importantly, from our attempt to balance motherhood versus patriotism.

I’d like to share my response to those questions on behalf of the many reserve mothers who have been away from their children because of Operation Desert Storm.

We military mothers share two things: First, a heart that is bleeding as each day goes by with us knowing that we are not at home nurturing our loved ones as we know they deserve; second, a belief that what we are doing is not only important but also right.

As reservists, we chose to accept the responsibility that we could someday be deployed. None of us expected it to happen, and we did our share of grieving, but we didn’t question our responsibility to go if called. We took pride in our peacetime contributions--giving up a weekend a month and two weeks a year to serve with the military. After serving 12 years on active duty, and now an additional six years as a reservist, I have been proud to be able to raise a family and still contribute to my country, using the skills the Army has taught me during my military career.

Since my activation in December, most of the nurses I have worked with have been working harder and longer hours than at any other time in our careers. It is not that any single individual is critical to the Desert Storm operation, but rather that all of the trained reservists (including many mothers) are critical to fill the empty slots left within all military hospitals. The soldiers, their dependents and now the casualties deserve quality medical and health care.

Nurses are performing a very important role, and I take pride along with my peers in working toward that goal. Even though the casualties were not as high as some predicted, it was important to have a strong medical force available to our soldiers, because everyone entering combat has a right to expect us to be ready to give each of them and their families the best medical care that this country can provide.

While my absence has been difficult for both me and my family, I believe that my children are gaining something very valuable from this experience. They are seeing through example that sacrifices are part of life and part of being an American.

They are learning an important lesson that sacrifices--small or large, for their country or community--are a part of being a U.S. citizen, and that each of us has a responsibility to make our country a better place in which to live. The mothers serving with Operation Desert Storm provide that valuable lesson to their children through example.

I have also become acutely aware of how torn other working mothers must feel as they commit daily time to a job outside the home. They too miss those daily precious moments with their children.

With so many mothers in the work force today, I pray that we all pause and reflect on our awesome responsibility and remember how important we are in the lives of our children when we’re at home--or at work.