Non-<i> Naan</i> (but Similar) News

La Tortilla Factory is introducing its lard-free Light Flour Tortillas in Southern California markets: only 69 calories per tortilla, no fat, resealable package, kosher seal. They taste pretty much like any other tortillas, but they do toast a little drier, so serve them with a filling or topping as tacos, burritos, etc. (Just don’t fry them in lard and make enchiladas.)

From White House to Lite House

We all worry deeply about the First Waistline, of course, but Morinaga Nutritional Foods, which makes a “lite” tofu (1 gram per serving, 3 1/2 servings per carton; in health food stores) has offered to do something about it. Specifically, it has asked us here in the Food Section to pick one of three tofu confections made by Los Angeles diet dessertmeister Mani Niall as the Official White House Tofu Dessert. Sorry, though, the responsibility is more than we can bear. (Maybe they could just get President’s Choice Decadent Chocolate Chip Cookies, a Lucky Stores brand which has a logo that looks suspiciously like President Clinton’s signature, to put out a tofu chip version.)

A Twisted Fish Tale

Alaskan scientists have produced a fast-growing cross of the pink salmon (which is overabundant in supply--two years ago there was so much of it that Alaska sent 5 tons free to Russia) with the larger, more desirable king salmon. They’re calling it, of course, the kink salmon.

The Kitchen Stink

The most vile-smelling thing in the average kitchen is a sponge that has sat damp for a couple of days. Estracell II dish sponges and scrubbers don’t get smelly, though: 1) they dry out faster than most sponges and 2) they contain a bacteriocide so microbes can’t survive on their surface. In supermarkets.

24-Hour Food TV

The Television Food Network, a culinary cable network that premieres on a round-the-clock basis Nov. 23 (in Los Angeles, on selected systems), will feature, among other things, classic TV cooking shows (Dione Lucas, Jacques Pepin, James Beard) . . . introduced by Jane Curtin of the original “Saturday Night Live.” Interesting choice, TVFN; and hey, Chevy Chase needs a job too. He could introduce “The Galloping Gourmet” and fall on his face as he cuts away to the show.

New Hope for the Unprepared

The Turkey Kit, available in department and housewares stores, contains all the equipment for doing the holiday bird: an oversized non-stick roasting pan, a V-shaped rack, an oven thermometer, a bulb baster, a basting brush, skewers and string.