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A consumer’s guide to the best and worst of sports media and merchandise. Ground rules: If it can be read, played, heard, observed, worn, viewed, dialed or downloaded, it’s in play here.

What: “Da Packer Polka” audio tape

Cost: $5

Cheeseheads with accordions--yes, they’re legal. And dangerous, now that a couple of them have migrated to Los Angeles, land of 10,000 recording studios, and scraped together enough empty Old Milwaukee cans to finance a session to lay down this, well, tune.

Drive down to Lambeau

Park the Pinto

Fire up the Weber

In any kind of weather

Pop a beer

And eat dead deer

Then have a brat and soured slaw

And dance da Packer polka.

True to its heritage, “Da Packer Polka” is one thick slab of cheese, a demented response to a Lambeau Field sing-a-long of a few years back, the “I Love My Green Bay Packers Polka.”

“A few of my friends brought that song back with them, and we all thought it was pretty lame,” says Craig Friedemann, a Random Lake, Wis., native now living in Burbank. “So I gathered a few of my musician friends and wrote this.”

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Now it’s time to eat some cheese

To celebrate our victories.

That’s all fine when done and said

But first it must come off our head.

Friedemann is responsible for the words, blame Pete Kneser for the music--and if you insist on hearing for yourself, “Da Packer Polka,” can be purchased online for $5 at https://www.bovinentertainment.com. Only one copy has been sold. “To a guy in Suwanee, Ga.,” Friedemann says. And why only one? In typical Cheesehead fashion, Friedemann and friends released the tape in early December but listed the wrong e-mail address. “That problem has been corrected,” Friedemann assures.

Go green and gold!

Go green and gold!

Win a Super Bowl!

Before we get too old!

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