Punch Lines

Financial Matters: Police went from door to door in Overtown in Miami asking residents to return $400,000 pilfered from a toppled Brinks truck. “They didn’t get any money back, but they did get 10 thank yous for a good laugh and an IOU payable when pigs fly.” (Alex Kaseberg)

* Some say this wouldn’t have happened in a wealthy neighborhood. “Yeah, in a wealthy neighborhood, they would have filed an insurance claim for twice the value of the truck and put the spilled cash in a Swiss bank account,” says Jerry Perisho.

“The Dodgers may sell for upward of $300 million. For that kind of money, you could pay for tickets, parking, drinks and Dodger dogs for your whole family.” (B. Kallen)

The Super Bowl is coming up. “The pregame prayer is always inspirational,” says Alan Ray. “Players huddle and ask God for more money.”

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The Legal Pad: Atty. Gen. Janet Reno told a crowd that poor people don’t get enough legal advice. “She doesn’t get it,” says Argus Hamilton. “Many poor people are simply rich people who finally got enough legal advice.”

“Continental Airlines has sued a pilot’s wife for baking him marijuana-laced rye bread. William Loeding was fired after he tested positive for drugs, pastrami and Swiss cheese.” (Bob Mills)

* “Officials explained he tested positive for pot. They gave him airline food, and he ate it all.” (Ray).

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In the News: There is a suggestion of taking the Dodgers public. If fans owned the teams, the players would strike once. Once. (The Daily Scoop)

Twelve protesters stripped before Mexico’s Congress. “Try stripping before our Congress and people will think you spilled out of Ted Kennedy’s office.” (Daily Scoop)

The Cannabis Buyers Club of San Francisco is back in operation after a judge’s ruling. “Meanwhile, membership in the ‘Dude, We’re All Going to Die of Something So Give Me a Toke of Medicine Club’ continues to explode.” (Perisho)

Sales of Bruno Magli shoes are up 30% from a year ago. “For the first time in the company’s history, the number of people wearing Bruno Magli shoes is actually greater than the number of people denying they wear Bruno Magli shoes.” (Steve Voldseth)

Dick Clark wants to do a movie about “American Bandstand.” Says the Daily Scoop, “The movie will cover four decades. The Dick Clark character will not age.”

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Reader Janet Reid was driving her daughter westward after the Malibu fires when the smoke in the sky made everything look surreal. “Ooh, Wendy, look at the sun,” she told her daughter. “It looks like a big ball of fire.”

The 3-year-old preschooler replied:

“It is a big ball of fire.”