Born for Trouble in the U.S.A.

To: “Structure” T-shirt, Row F

From: Blue blazer, Row G

Re.: Bruuuuuuuce

Dude,

This memo updates you on events the other night up in the nosebleed section of the Springsteen concert, just in case you were wondering.

You recall that you requested security (guard #1 for the purposes of this memo) to instruct us on the law, which entitled your party of five to stand in your seats throughout the show. Equally true, as guard #2 noted to you, all three rows behind you were asking you to sit down so we could see the stage. This, of course, evokes the conflict between individual and community, a frequent theme in Mr. Springsteen’s songs. Your outpouring of feelings vividly showed how much you would have wished to pursue our dialogue. Your choice of a forum in which to pose the issue--a concert by an artist who has written so movingly on it--makes me only regret that the E Street Band’s decibel level largely thwarted the discussion.

As for my friend, she regrets tapping you twice on the shoulder but is still uncertain precisely what you threatened to do to her. Please resist the impulse simply to blame this on the sound level. I submit that a strong, effective vocabulary and careful word choice are essential tools, which you shouldn’t be reluctant to use. In this case, you should consider the possibility that more precision in your language perhaps would have meant fewer misunderstandings and less involvement by security.

Please be informed the woman beside me in Row G was not constantly touching you. Again, as security guard #1 pointed out, that would have been wrong. You mistook her for the woman in Row H, who, after you confronted her, spent the concert pitching pennies at you.

Dude, if you hold on to just one thought from this memo, make it this: At the next show, resist the impulse to stand up and shout, “Hey! Who put gum on my seat?” The first problem here was timing, your query coming as it did in the middle of the quiet and reflective “Ghost of Tom Joad.” (Maybe I don’t need to mention this, since someone in Row I did so at the time, and somewhat more forcefully.)

Your follow-up question--”How am I supposed to enjoy the concert with gum on my pants?”--was admired by all of us in Rows G, H and I. By juxtaposing this poignant plea for community strength against your earlier, fiercely stated belief in the ascendancy of the individual, you perfectly encapsulated the evening’s theme. I’m sure I speak for everyone sitting behind you in saying that none of us--possibly not even Mr. Springsteen himself--could have framed it so artfully.

Regrettably, you undercut this momentary success by demanding that someone “ ‘fess up!” As you no doubt observed, the exhortation as presented failed to elicit any response. Again, the lesson from Mr. Springsteen is that people respond to precise language that invites them to participate.

Please tell your pal that his prediction, “You’re gonna get thrown out!” proved to be in error. After you and your friends abruptly left, guard #3 did as you requested, asking several of us to join him in the hallway and discuss the gum “situation.” I apologize if this seems redundant, but yet again, the use of strong and effective words proved to be key. We recounted your struggle to resolve your desires with those of the 20 people behind you, and the guard urged us to enjoy the rest of the show.

Thanks for leaving before the show ended. We then enjoyed seeing Mr. Springsteen as much as we had enjoyed hearing him. I hope the encores were as good for you, wherever you went, as they were for us.