SPORTS EXTRA / FOOTBALL ‘99: NFL PREVIEW : SIMERS’ ORDER

1. JACKSONVILLE

Jaguar win sends Johnson and Parcells into retirement, Shanahan begging for Elway.

2. MINNESOTA

Only one who can keep Randy Moss from being Super Bowl MVP is Dennis Green.

3. GREEN BAY

New Hilton Hotel comes to smallsville. Big-time corners needed more.

4. MIAMI

It’s easy to mistake the main characters in HBO’s “Oz,” with the Dolphins.

5. DENVER

What a Griese situation we have here without Mr. Elway in control.

6. NEW YORK JETS

Instant replay’s back because of Vinny; upon review he’s a one-year wonder.

7. SAN FRANCISCO

49ers’ chances to win it all disappeared with Hearst.

8. ATLANTA

Falcons will be home for Super Bowl in Georgia Dome, but they will need tickets to watch.

9. DALLAS

You won’t catch any of the Cowboys getting arrested on the way to church.

10. SEATTLE

Holmgren trades for Mayes. Will need Willie to catch Jon Kitna’s passes.

11. PITTSBURGH

Ever since Bill Cowher kissed Kordell Stewart, Steelers haven’t been same.

12. TAMPA BAY

The Trent Dilfer Fan Club is seeking members. When it gets one, club will form.

13. TENNESSEE

Titans to appear in Nashville. The Dixie Chicks have nothing to worry about.

14. WASHINGTON

The nation’s capital has had its problem with its leaders.

15. BUFFALO

Rob Johnson and Flutie Flakes have something in common. Shelf life should be good.

16. ARIZONA

Bad luck has plagued the Cardinals. For 78 years.

17. KANSAS CITY

Chiefs don’t have to worry anymore about blowing it in the playoffs.

18. BALTIMORE

Mitchell will be wearing Unitas’ number. And they say he doesn’t have guts.

19. NEW ORLEANS

Ditka trades entire draft for Williams; he should have sold soul for a quarterback.

20. NEW ENGLAND

Patriots have better chance of going to Hartford again than Atlanta.

21. NEW YORK GIANTS

“I Know What You Did Last Summer” to get ready for this season--nothing.

22. INDIANAPOLIS

Manning, James . . . two or three years from now, the Colts rule.

23. ST. LOUIS

Not in your lifetime, meanwhile, in St. Louis.

24. OAKLAND

“The Blair Witch Project” is based on what it’s like to be at a Raider game.

25. DETROIT

You think Bobby Ross is going to be driving a Ford much longer?

26. CAROLINA

Seifert comes out of retirement to coach Panthers.

27. CINCINNATI

Akili Smith held out. You would too to avoid going here.

28. CLEVELAND

Couch needs to be broken in before Browns can feel at home.

29. PHILADELPHIA

Only 16 games to go before the season’s over.

30. CHICAGO

Handicapped by inexperience, lack of height, arm--McNown should be parked on bench.

31. SAN DIEGO

Mike Riley’s a nice guy--you know where nice guys finish.

A look at T.J. Simers’ past Super Bowl predictions:

KEEPING TABS

1996

Simers: Buffalo over Green Bay

Reality: Green Bay 35, New England 21

1997

Simers: Denver over Green Bay

Reality: Denver 31, Green Bay 24

1998

Simers: Kansas City over San Francisco

Reality: Denver 34, Atlanta 19