LAUGH LINES

Traffic Jammin’: “Al Gore’s motorcade to Staples Center closed down a major L.A. freeway during rush hour, escorted by hundreds of police cars. Commuters alongside the interstate applauded widely. They thought it was O.J. moving to Florida.” (Argus Hamilton)

Off-Road: “Gas prices dropped in the Midwest. Thanks to those Firestone tires, everybody’s too afraid to drive anywhere.” (Daily Scoop)

Issues at Hand: Al Gore talked “about the need for prescription coverage. He said no American should have to choose between paying for food and paying for drugs. And all over America, college kids were going, ‘Tell me about it!’ ” (Bill Maher)

The Right of Wait: A woman “drove her car into a Florida swamp. She was heading to the airport [and got] stuck in the swamp for three days. She was found and is recovering. The amazing thing is she got to the airport three days late and the United flight was still at the gate.” (Jay Leno)

Pressure’s On: “Al Gore’s not at home on stage. He tried to appear comfortable [at the Democratic National Convention], but it didn’t help when halfway through his speech, he began sweating like George W. Bush during an algebra test.” (Hamilton)

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