LAUGH LINES
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Lights, Camera, Action: “The [‘Big Brother’] house has 28 cameras, 60 microphones, but only one bathroom. Are they sure this isn’t an AM/PM mini-market?” (Mark Wheeler)
Bad Influences?: “According to the Globe, Chelsea Clinton has become buddies with Drew Barrymore. The tabloid says Hillary is worried because of Drew’s wild, sleep-with-anyone ways. If Hillary’s so concerned about it, why does she let Chelsea visit her father?” (Daily Scoop)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Signs the Supreme Court
Needs a Vacation
10. Most of their rulings are taken word for word from that day’s “Judge Judy.”
9. The court’s last opinion was written on the back of a Club Med brochure.
7. Overwhelmingly repealed the “one person per robe” rule.
5. Most days court consists of three justices and six Magic 8 Balls.
4. Just held tribal council and voted out Justice Anthony Kennedy.
3. Last couple of cases each day decided by cleaning crew.
2. Only thing they’re arguing lately is margaritas versus daiquiris.
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